As if falling crazy in love is not exciting and all-consuming enough, when a couple decide that they really really like each other and are ready to tell the world, one or both of them might choose to label the other as their girlfriend or boyfriend on Facebook. You get a note on your profile page saying you're in a relationship, and everyone you know receives a News Item on their News Feed telling them this lovely piece of happy news, accompanied by a picture of a little red heart. They feel warm and fuzzy that two more people have found someone lovely. Unless they're single, in which case they curse you, drink too much white wine and cry for a bit.
Conversely, when said relationship hits the rocks a few months later, a struggling couple may choose to remove each other from their Facebook lives, to make the 'moving on' process a little more bearable. After all, going 'on a break' is unpleasant enough without receiving a status update every five seconds from your ex-beloved, informing you and the world that he's in the Cayman Islands or has just been chatting to Kate Moss at a stag party. So you change your relationship status back to single, or delete it altogether.
And at this point, what do the nice people at Facebook do? Send you a condolence message? A free box of chocolates? Credit your account with some money with which to shop away the blues? No. They send a news update to everyone you know, informing them that 'Jane is no longer in a relationship' and accompany this announcement with a graphic of a little red broken heart. Now, you can choose to 'Hide Story', so that people don't receive this news on their homepages - but I learned the hard way that 'Hide Story' doesn't work as well as intended. Or, in fact, at all. However quickly you click the 'Hide Story' button (and I'm pretty sure I reached it within about 0.4 seconds, blinded by hot tears though I was), the freaking thing still pops up all over the internet, blasting your misery to all four corners of the globe at a time when you want to be swallowed up by a black duvet.
Either way, story hidden or not, what I want to know is: which absolute sadist came up with this feature?! Who on earth decided that this was a sensible or valuable function of Facebook? No matter how open and honest you are - and I'm a pretty warts 'n' all kinda gal* - I just cannot imagine the type of person who wants the fact that they are no longer in a relationship shouted across cyberspace. Sure, every now and then, there may be someone who is so stony-hearted that their exit from a bad coupling is about as perturbing, pride-denting and shameful as admitting that they have a bit of a sore throat. Or perhaps there may be a rare person who's been in a hideous partnership and is excited to be out. And I accept that if you fancy the pants off someone, it's always a little bit fun to receive the alert that they're now on the market - and get in quickly with an offer of a sympathetic shoulder to cry on. But for the vast majority, a break-up, however temporary, justified or unavoidable, is simply not the kind of news we want everyone to know immediately. It's painful and confusing and, in the unlikely event that we manage to forget about it for a few moments, the last thing we want is having to explain repeatedly to the quasi-strangers that have somehow snuck onto our Friends list that, yes, we are alone again.
Which I appear to be.
Tuesday and Wednesday were quite bad. Thursday morning was too. Last night I went for a 7km run by the Thames, starting out feeling like a loser and returning home with the Rocky theme playing in my head, having realised that it really was his loss. Well, assuming he wants a girlfriend at all. If he wants to be single for the rest of his life, then it was admittedly his gain. Anyway, today I feel angry and happy and excited and hopeful and devastated and a bit lonely. Low-maintenance as ever.
In other news: apparently my cervix looks better. So that's good.
*Just FYI: I have no warts.
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