Today I’m happy because I received some really good news via email. I can’t tell you what it is. I know that’s annoying but you’ll just have to trust me: it’s good news and I’m happy.
On top of being happy, I am also a selection of the following adjectives: starving, overweight, overpaid, underworked, right (always), liberal, sweet-smelling, pessimistic, big-boned, short-sighted and astigmatic, punctual, reliable, immovable and kissable.
Most of the UK seems to be underwater. And with the reservoirs flooded, the tap water in many areas has been contaminated. Hundreds, maybe thousands of families are being left with no supply, having to rely on bottled water to bathe and hydrate themselves. It’s not good. Add this miserable picture to the fact that it’s 23 July and we still haven’t had even a suggestion of summer since our freakish Antiguan burst in April and suddenly, global warming is looking a lot closer and more annoying than we’d anticipated.
The Live Earth concerts on 7 July raised awareness of the little things we can all do to make a difference – washing clothes at ten degrees less, turning all appliances off rather than leaving them on standby etc. – but I find it hard to keep up the good work when all around me, Joe Public seems to be more wasteful than ever. There are few sights more disheartening than my office, where computers and lights are left on for weeks at a time, 90% of paper waste is not recycled and flights are taken frequently and without guilt. Or the skin-crawling moment each morning when I pass hoards of commuters picking up their free copy of Metro and boarding a train filled with countless discarded copies of the same paper – while a dejected Underground employee wearing a day-glo vest walks through the carriages, picking up hundreds of still-pristine Metro leftovers with his litter-picker and shoving them into his clear plastic bag along with the other rubbish. Why risk germ-perpetuation reading a stranger’s second-hand copy when the distribution bins are full of spotless new editions? The blatant waste is painful.
I’m not sure how things are going to change but I live near the Thames and assuming the rain continues, my home is at risk. Come on people – forget everyone else, this is about me now. Don’t make me shower under room temp Evian – even temporarily. Make sure my home isn’t flooded by dramatically altering your way of life immediately. If you must read Metro (and really, I advise against it – it’s a terrible right-wing rag enjoyed almost exclusively by illiterates), make sure you pick up a second hand copy. Wash your clothes in your bathwater. Read by candlelight instead of watching TV. Walk to work. Grow all your own food and make your own wine. And don’t fly anywhere ever again. If all of you do this, I’ll feel a lot less guilty about my holiday to Lanzarote in September. Let me know how you get on.
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