Nemo found

If snorkelling here is The Bomb, scuba diving here is the A-Bomb. I just went down for a try-dive, my first since I was in my teens, and it rocked the house. I saw lion fish, with their weird Red Indian headdresses, and a baby scorpion fish nestled in some coral that I had to get about two inches away from before I could spot, and brain-like coral that was the most lurid yellow imaginable, slightly tinged with green, luminous to the point of glowing. I took some photos on my rubbish Kodak throwaway underwater camera but I'm not holding out much hope. My favourite bit was being about five metres under and absolutely surrounded by hundreds upon hundreds of the most gorgeous orange fish, all wearing fluorescent lilac eyeliner. My least favourite bit was pulling on my hideous, too-tight website in front of a cafe full of onlookers. But it was worth it.

I had a new yoga teacher this morning, who identified within seconds that I am left-handed and correctly diagnosed me as being over-analytical. My one-on-one classes are fantastic and I want to pack Monica in my suitcase and have her guiding me for an hour and a half every morning and evening when I'm back at home. Still not nearly enough progress on the tan front, frustratingly, but I will keep working at it. As usual, my arms look vaguely healthy, as if I've been for a long walk in Dorset on a July afternoon. My stomach, which no one sees, is the colour of the most gorgeous dark mud. And my legs are clearly being smeared with total block by the Tan Demon every night while I'm sleeping, as it looks as though I have been sunning myself in thick trousers. Right. That's my news, over and out. Ew. The boy on the next door PC is playing what looks like a medieval Arabian version of The Sims, and just sneezed vigorously without covering his face. Then he looked at the floor, clearly saw some miscellaneous matter had been propelled thereon, and rubbed it in to the tiles with his dusty flip-flop. Now he's eating pungent crisps. I had planned to sit here a little longer and try and catch up on the news from home, but I'm not sure that idea appeals so much any more. Hmmm.