It's only natural

Must be quick as am uncharacteristically busy at work, but this is important. At lunchtime today, I sat outside on the small grassy knoll, eating my crayfish and avocado salad and trying to make sure that the times when I had to look down to create my next mouthful coincided with the cloudy patches, freeing me up to chew with my face turned towards the sun. The knoll was relatively empty, with just ten or so people around me, mostly on their own or in pairs. After I finished my meal, I reclined, resting my head on my handbag and relaxing in the heat. I breathed in contentedly and then, from a place that could not have been more than five or six feet behind my head, came a loud, clattering fart. I nearly saw my crayfish again in the shock. I rolled my neck so that the top of my head was on the floor. A man was sitting cross-legged behind me, eating a sandwich and wearing headphones. Perhaps he'd thought it had been silent and his music had blocked out the truth. Either way, it was repellent. I think. For some reason it was his cross-leggedness that I found particularly offensive, allowing a direct passage for the particles to travel from the place of emission to my head. Perhaps I'm being squeamish. But then I've never been a good one for bodily functions.