Rubbish mnemonics

OK, I don't think these are mnemonics exactly because I think mnemonics are made up to help you spell things, and these are things made up to help you remember other things more easily. But whatever they're called, they're rubbish. The first one is the American 'Spring forward, fall back' which is meant to help you remember the clocks situation. And the second is to help you differentiate between stalagtites and stalagmites - and it's something to do with pulling up your tights versus holding on with all your might. My problem with both of these mnonomics is that they are both shit. In that they are both fully flexible. I can spring back or forward. In theory, of course, depending on my hangover situation. And, as illustrated by the drunk man on the escalator the other night, it is equally possible to fall in both directions. So how, pray tell, is that supposed to help me remember which goes with which?

Similarly, as far as I have been aware up to this point, tights can be pulled both up and down, and while it is of course conceivable that one might hold on with all one's might, it is also surely an option to push up with all one's might. I will concede that it is not often that I am called upon to differentiate between a stalagtite and a salagmite, and really the only time I seem to come up against them is during school trips to Wooky Hole in Wiltshire, which I'm assuming won't be happening much for me any more, since I'm 31. But the spring forward, fall back thing is frustrating, not least because even if I remember which way round it goes, it still doesn't really help me work out what the hell is going on. I mean, if the clocks have gone forward, what does that mean? What would be really useful is a mnonomic to warn us which one is the rubbish one that means getting up an hour earlier than usual. This information is at my fingertips at the moment, because it's just happened. So, I can tell you that Spring is bad for fans of sleep, while Autumn is good. OK, it's not that catchy, but at least it tells you what you need to know.

While I'm ranting, what is this about? In a development that I noticed this morning, it appears that Gmail has left every single folder heading capitalised, except 'inbox'. Now, I'm as flexible and easy going as the next person (provided that next person is highly strung to the point of physical rupture), but why not have some consistency with the labels? All lower case, while being grammatically questionable, would at least have been more attractive. But surely I have more important things to be worrying about?

You'd think so, wouldn't you? Well, what's been happening. I've been in prime self-distraction mode so as to prevent myself from moping. Friday night I met up with Emily and we bought make-up and had a fun dinner. We bumped into an old school friend in Primark at about 8pm and were mocking our own tragic lifestyles whereby the friend hadn't been hounded by anyone at all to do anything social that evening, and I made her feel better by saying that my phone had only rung once that day, about 15 minutes earlier, and it was Emily trying to find me among the vest tops. Saturday was spent repainting my kitchen in Red Stallion 2, a colour I chose approx. 76% because I liked the colour and 24% because the name was persuasive. Sunday was our choir concert which went better than expected and I enjoyed the apres-sing drinks in Shepherd's Market so heartily that I got all the way to the bus stop before realising I'd left my handbag in the pub. Last night I went to see the world premiere (not sold out) of In Search of Beethoven with my dad at the Barbican. It was good but the director made all the talking heads look into the lens, which I found disconcerting. And, as a recent Tweet revealed, I learned conclusively that I don't really like Beethoven's music - with the exception of a few adagio movements. Still, it's good to know these things. Now I'm going to buy more self-help books and then I'm off for dinner with Justin. Could be worse.