Enough is enough

Taste buds are weird, aren't they. I mean, we all have thousands of them (millions? billions?) and I suppose, thinking about it, that it's inevitable that everyone's will work in different ways. But what is odd is that so many people's appear to be faulty. It is laughable to me (and I know my father agrees with me on this matter, if few others) but it seems to be an oft-held perception that coriander is not a poisonous, meal-ruining, acrid leaf from HELL but in fact a tasty herb that is effective as a garnish. I know! It's patently absurd. Of course coriander is the devil's plant, devised solely to make all food take on the flavour of water that has been used to wash up after a dinner party and then left in the washing up bowl for approximately one week, during which time a mouse has crawled into the bowl, drowned and started to decompose.

So the mystery is how coriander has found this ubiquity in the past 3-5 years when all our natural instincts are, of course, to reject it. And it is my honest belief that the herb has been promoted by insiders at Sainsbury's, determined to test the limits of Jamie Oliver's powers of persuasion, in preparation for his still-secret bid to take over the world via a threat of chemical warfare to be unleashed at the opening ceremony of the 2012 Olympics. Yes: everyone who claims to like coriander has been duped into doing so by these evil corporate hounds. Just like tabacco, everyone hates it at first, but if you try hard enough you can override your own good sense and develop a taste for something truly harmful and wrong. But there is good news! It is not too late to reverse the process. Please, I implore you, save yourselves. Train your tastebuds to do the right thing. Reject coriander and show Jamie Oliver who's boss. At best, you'll save the world from destruction in three years. And perhaps if more people see the light and face up to this herb's true evil, then local sandwich chains will catch on and stop RUINING MY LUNCH with needless, covertly-hidden leaves chopped so fine that they are IMPOSSIBLE TO EXTRACT. Rage.