A Once In A Lifetime Opportunity

I have masses to say because I'm still mental and I went to see Simon Amstell live on Tuesday night and the UK's economic crisis is being really interesting and I've watched a couple of GRIPPING TED talks but what I really want to talk about is ganglions.

I have kidded myself that mine was a bit of bone for years, but I've just read about it online and apparently, as I had feared, they really are cysts YUCK YUCK YUCK a big cyst containing THICK JELLY-LIKE MATERIAL on my HAND. And apparently it really is true and not just an old wives' tale that you can get rid of them by bashing them with a big book and I'm really really tempted. So here is today's question: Faithful - has anyone ever tried this in the past 100 years, and if so, what happened? According to the website I read, the odds of it returning don't seem to be massively different whether I bash it with a book or have a surgical procedure and as a good liberal girl, I would prefer to avoid wasting state facilities if possible.

Just so you can see exactly what we're playing with, this is a photo of my hand from above:

So far, so inoffensive, right? But here is a photo of my hand taken from the side. I have formed a clawlike grasp to maximise the visibility of the lump:

So I think something needs to be done. Now the choices begin. What book should I use? I'm thinking not The Bible (too traditional). Do I use the spine or the flat side? I am left-handed, so I think I will have to employ a cyst-basher. I will need to get very, VERY drunk first. Maybe I should sell tickets and give the proceeds to the Royal Society for the Protection of Ganglion Sufferers. Would you like a ticket? More importantly, would YOU like to bash my cyst? RSVP.