Readers, something WONDERFUL has just happened. I found this sentence:
"Omega-3 fatty acides are said to cut heart disease risk, with the best sources mayonnaise and full-fat salad dressing, followed by fish such as tuna, salmon and mackerel."
MAYONNAISE!
I could not be happier if they had written that doughnuts cure cellulite. Actually, that's not true. But discovering that the consumption of mayo could stave off heart disease has got to be the best thing I've read in a while. Oh beloved Hellman's, giver of flavour to chips and adder of je ne sais quoi to countless sandwiches, how I already cherished thee - but now, to discover you have also, quietly, without asking for thanks or repayment, been protecting me from fatal illness: truly, it is too much. I prostrate myself before you. My forehead toucheth the ground at the base of the pedestal upon which I have placed thee. I weep with humble grace at your extraordinary bounty.
In other news, did everyone see the volcano in Iceland? It's pretty spectacular. I love the idea of the Earth getting more and more tense, and then finally going 'RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH' and just exploding with burning rage, like a huge global whitehead filled with bright orange lava pus. But let's not write about mayonnaise and pus in consecutive paragraphs as that's not nice.
Showing posts with label Mother Nature. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Mother Nature. Show all posts
Thursday, 25 March 2010
Tuesday, 1 December 2009
Three things I can tell you:
1. This short clip of giant jellyfish near Japan is a bit freaky and a bit beautiful. I think I'd find it less scary if the theme tune to The Flintstones or Baby Elephant Walk by Henry Mancini was playing instead. Maybe the filmmakers can consider that for next time.
2. I bought too much mincemeat, but it doesn't go off until 2011 so hopefully I'll force down all the mince pies by then. I principally told that story (if it can be described as such) so that you'd be impressed by my Nigella-esque skills, but then I feel I should also admit that I bought frozen shortcrust pastry, so basically all that remains for me to do is roll, cut and use a spoon. And it would have been cheaper to buy them. In an attempt to claw this back from being both tragic, wasteful and pointless, I have this instant decided that my pies will have festive drawings pricked on them with a skewer. I will supply a photograph when I make them. Which will probably be in around February.
3. I have submitted my Christmas list and am now experiencing my annual panic that I will think of something ESSENTIAL and it will be too late. The fact that I am old enough to buy it for myself is, of course, a logical beta blocker, but the post-list-submission jitters are beyond my control. As usual, to give the elves some flexibility, I have thoughtfully requested more than I am likely to receive; however, due to space limitations at my flat, I have finally stopped asking for a pony. My top two hopefuls are this and a pineapple-shaped ukulele. Santa, if you're reading, I have been a good girl, probably one of the best there's ever been, so do the right thing and reward me with the material possessions I so desperately need. Thank you.
2. I bought too much mincemeat, but it doesn't go off until 2011 so hopefully I'll force down all the mince pies by then. I principally told that story (if it can be described as such) so that you'd be impressed by my Nigella-esque skills, but then I feel I should also admit that I bought frozen shortcrust pastry, so basically all that remains for me to do is roll, cut and use a spoon. And it would have been cheaper to buy them. In an attempt to claw this back from being both tragic, wasteful and pointless, I have this instant decided that my pies will have festive drawings pricked on them with a skewer. I will supply a photograph when I make them. Which will probably be in around February.
3. I have submitted my Christmas list and am now experiencing my annual panic that I will think of something ESSENTIAL and it will be too late. The fact that I am old enough to buy it for myself is, of course, a logical beta blocker, but the post-list-submission jitters are beyond my control. As usual, to give the elves some flexibility, I have thoughtfully requested more than I am likely to receive; however, due to space limitations at my flat, I have finally stopped asking for a pony. My top two hopefuls are this and a pineapple-shaped ukulele. Santa, if you're reading, I have been a good girl, probably one of the best there's ever been, so do the right thing and reward me with the material possessions I so desperately need. Thank you.
Friday, 24 April 2009
Something for the weekend
Now this is the kind of thrush I like. Look at them, nesting in a traffic light in Leeds. Aw.
Monday, 23 February 2009
Shameless attempt to tide you over
Oh god I'm sorry I'm sorry.
Hopefully this will help. I think it may be my favourite thing in the Whole Entire World.
Hopefully this will help. I think it may be my favourite thing in the Whole Entire World.
Wednesday, 17 September 2008
Hypocrisy alert
I believe that human lives are, while probably not objectively more important, certainly more of a priority to me than those of animals. It's not like I don't care about our furry friends, because I really truly do. But if there was a child and a puppy in front of me, and I had to shoot one, I'd kill the puppy. I'm sorry to be brutal, but that's the way things are. I might really love the puppy, and I know it would never have hurt anyone and that it is completely undeserving of death by bullet, but the child has the potential to change the world for all its inhabitants, whereas, with the possible exception of Lassie, as far as I am aware, dogs are unlikely to do much except eat, sleep, run around, hump people's legs and bark.
For this reason, I tend to avoid animal charities and slightly despair of people who give to them. Surely we should be sorting out our own species before worrying about giving sanctuary to donkeys? I know, it's disgusting how ill-treated these innocent creatures are, and I mean that with all sincerity - but a lot of humans are treated fairly horrifically as well. I'd rather get those many messes cleared up first and then move on to our four-legged pals. With that as my carefully-formed opinion, I try hard to stick to this, to care more about human tragedies than those involving animals. And, for the most part, I succeed.
But I'm not made of stone, goddamit! How can anyone resist a box of kittens?! Or a wobbly foal taking its first steps? Just the thought of those baby penguins snuggled under their dads' bellies to protect themselves from the freezing winter is enough to make tears prick my eyes. Imagine, therefore, the unpleasant yank at my heartstrings when I read in today's paper that guillemots have become so hungry due to lack of fish in the North Sea that they are now killing each others' chicks to lessen the demand for what little food is available. Apparently, guillemot couples only have one baby a year, and in the past, one parent would stay at home while the other would go out on the hunt for fish. Now, however, there's such a shortage of marine snackage that often both parents have to go scavenging, leaving their precious chick unguarded. In the absence of their protective parents, the chicks have been attacked by rivals, and even pushed off the cliffs onto the rocks below. The thought of a flightless baby guillemot plummeting towards certain death, having been pushed over the edge by a murderous cliff neighbour, makes me very sad indeed. I know worse things have happened at sea, and certainly on land, but sometimes perspective is hard to keep.
On the upside, as I was walking towards the tube this morning, a guy with a strong Jamaican accent drawled 'Hey girrrrrl - niiiiicccce glaaaassssessss'. And he didn't even comment on my arse. So that's good.
For this reason, I tend to avoid animal charities and slightly despair of people who give to them. Surely we should be sorting out our own species before worrying about giving sanctuary to donkeys? I know, it's disgusting how ill-treated these innocent creatures are, and I mean that with all sincerity - but a lot of humans are treated fairly horrifically as well. I'd rather get those many messes cleared up first and then move on to our four-legged pals. With that as my carefully-formed opinion, I try hard to stick to this, to care more about human tragedies than those involving animals. And, for the most part, I succeed.
But I'm not made of stone, goddamit! How can anyone resist a box of kittens?! Or a wobbly foal taking its first steps? Just the thought of those baby penguins snuggled under their dads' bellies to protect themselves from the freezing winter is enough to make tears prick my eyes. Imagine, therefore, the unpleasant yank at my heartstrings when I read in today's paper that guillemots have become so hungry due to lack of fish in the North Sea that they are now killing each others' chicks to lessen the demand for what little food is available. Apparently, guillemot couples only have one baby a year, and in the past, one parent would stay at home while the other would go out on the hunt for fish. Now, however, there's such a shortage of marine snackage that often both parents have to go scavenging, leaving their precious chick unguarded. In the absence of their protective parents, the chicks have been attacked by rivals, and even pushed off the cliffs onto the rocks below. The thought of a flightless baby guillemot plummeting towards certain death, having been pushed over the edge by a murderous cliff neighbour, makes me very sad indeed. I know worse things have happened at sea, and certainly on land, but sometimes perspective is hard to keep.
On the upside, as I was walking towards the tube this morning, a guy with a strong Jamaican accent drawled 'Hey girrrrrl - niiiiicccce glaaaassssessss'. And he didn't even comment on my arse. So that's good.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)