Readers, something WONDERFUL has just happened. I found this sentence:
"Omega-3 fatty acides are said to cut heart disease risk, with the best sources mayonnaise and full-fat salad dressing, followed by fish such as tuna, salmon and mackerel."
MAYONNAISE!
I could not be happier if they had written that doughnuts cure cellulite. Actually, that's not true. But discovering that the consumption of mayo could stave off heart disease has got to be the best thing I've read in a while. Oh beloved Hellman's, giver of flavour to chips and adder of je ne sais quoi to countless sandwiches, how I already cherished thee - but now, to discover you have also, quietly, without asking for thanks or repayment, been protecting me from fatal illness: truly, it is too much. I prostrate myself before you. My forehead toucheth the ground at the base of the pedestal upon which I have placed thee. I weep with humble grace at your extraordinary bounty.
In other news, did everyone see the volcano in Iceland? It's pretty spectacular. I love the idea of the Earth getting more and more tense, and then finally going 'RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH' and just exploding with burning rage, like a huge global whitehead filled with bright orange lava pus. But let's not write about mayonnaise and pus in consecutive paragraphs as that's not nice.
You do go on a bit don't you?
ReplyDeleteHa ha! Yes. Thanks for the feedback, Anonymous.
ReplyDelete