Monday 28 January 2008

DIY Day 1

Well, that was satisfying. I just sat down to write this and then I thought ‘Hmm. Maybe I’ll just see if I can rip out that disgusting faux-beech mantelpiece and faux-marble fire surround.’ And fifteen minutes later, it’s all gone. OK, everything apart from the bottom piece of marble. I lifted it a few inches away from the wall and underneath it was a suspect pile of miscellaneous white matter approximately six to eight inches in diameter. Of course, it could be a harmless building substance such as insulation or adhesive but there is also a slim chance that it is a bulging sac of larvae which will explode on contact with light, and as a result of that slim chance, I have returned the stone to its original position.

Today has been extremely fun. The Ikea men delivered my kitchen, the Corgi man came to check my boiler, take out my gas fire and disconnect my hob, and the EDF man came to look at my electricity meter. Then I changed into my painting clothes, last used in 1999, and painted the ceilings in my sitting room and my spare bedroom. I’ve had my iPod on random at a respectful volume, have eaten a random selection of unhealthy items but feel no guilt due to all the good work I’ve done, and now I’m going to choir. It’s all go.

I’m quite glad to have done a fair bit of ceiling painting today. Painting a white ceiling white is surely one of the most thankless tasks in the decorating sphere. I was quickly covered in spatterings of matt emulsion and suddenly became paranoid that I would be building up only my left arm muscles, leading to a bizarre pterodactyl bingo-wing situation where I may still take off while running, but once in flight will only travel in a clockwise circle. Consequently I have developed a unique ambidextrous roller action which I hope will prevent the occurrence of this potential pitfall.

Other than that minor gripe I have no complaints. Tomorrow I will begin on the bookshelves in the sitting room with the aim of finishing them and moving my books over from home by the end of the week. And in the evening I will have my first dinner party. Admittedly, there will only be two of us, and we’re having takeaway, but still, it’ll be the first time I’ve entertained at the new place and that’s still a milestone. High five.

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