Right. That is IT. I have fucking had it up to here and, worst of all, it's all my own stupid fault. I have a date tonight, my hair is looking lank, and I thought I'd go and get my fringe trimmed. My usual Japanese hairdresser doesn't work on Fridays, so I had another Japanese hairdresser.
"Freenge treeem?" she asks.
"Yes please," I say. "I was growing it out but I've decided I don't like it. So I want a blunt fringe, very chunky, taking in more hair than it was before." I explain what I mean by pulling forward some hair from closer to my crown. She nods and gets to work, cutting with precision until it looks just like I want it. Then she pins about half of it back and starts thinning out what's there. I wiggle uncomfortably.
"Please don't thin it out too much," I say. "I want it to be quite chunky. Blunt. You know?"
She nods and smiles and keeps going. And I sit there. I sit there like I'm fucking paralysed, all the while knowing that what she is doing is RUINING MY HAIR.
"You ok?" she asks. "You hot?"
"No, I'm not hot," I say, "just please don't thin it out any more. I want it blunt. Straight across. Not thin. The whole point of taking more hair into the fringe was so that it was thick. I have thick hair. Why are you making it look thin? Are you deaf? Why the hell are you working here if you can't understand WHAT I AM SAYING? STOP FUCKING SMILING AND NODDING." OK, I didn't say most of that, because I am polite and pathetic and PC. I tried to make my point though, and she nodded and smiled and then busied away doing the exact opposite, and I couldn't move because I am a moron.
And now my fringe is lank and pathetic and I hate it and no one will ever fancy me again, and I paid her the £3 she charged to trim it and gave her £1 extra as a tip and I will never go back and I will never have my hair cut again by someone who can't speak English, and yes, that's probably an awful thing to say and I am a keen supporter of global migration and immigration into the UK and diversity and variety of services and melting pots and tolerance but THIS IS MY HAIR we're talking about and it is serious.
Really used to HATE having my hair cut. Until I discovered Chantelle and my love of long hair. But just when I was starting to enjoy hair cuts, she left without a trace.
ReplyDeleteMiscommunication is the hairdresser's [and hairdresse's] devil.
£3 for a haircut?! Amazing. They could shave a swastika into the back of my head for that price. Where do you go?
ReplyDelete(Sorry for the slight sympathy fail!)
Er, no, Ed - £3 for a fringe trim. If they'd cut the rest of my hair too, they'd have charged me £38.
ReplyDeleteAh Jane, I've had many a traumatic hair-cut, including one in Russia by a girl who didn't understand a word I said and proceeded to give me a Spetznatz number 7, and one by a Philippino lady who in the middle of the cut wailed 'is so hard to make it nice!'
ReplyDeleteI've now found ONE person who can cut it without any problems at all, and even though shes a lazy bird who is always on holiday, i only ever go to her.
So the moral of the story is...never stray off the path of the proven hair-dresser. particularly before date.
but boys are pretty rubbish at noticing that stuff anyway. wear a low-cut dress, presto. he wouldn't notice if you were wearing antlers on your head.
I don't think I can overstate, Jules, how many times 'Is so hard to make it nice' has made me laugh since you posted that. Many thanks.
ReplyDelete