LLFF no longer AWOL

Sorry for protracted absence but it's been a weird week. I haven't been very focused. Fun though... I kept meaning to write - there was the guy who leant his entire bodyweight on me on the tube, completely unnecessarily, between Borough and Bank. I kept pushing back against him to try and get him to move but either he wasn't picking up on my subtle signals or he was enjoying it. Urgh. I arrived at work feeling violated. Then there was the guy who was playing his iPod really loudly which is not, in itself, unusual or remarkable - but this guy was actually shouting over his own music to speak to his girlfriend. Why he couldn't press pause, or remove his headphones, was beyond me. I tutted fairly loudly at that one. Still no sign of the missing cat so I'm feeling very sad about that. It's been ten days now. Lower lip out. I think the reason I haven't been writing is because I've pretty much banned myself from writing about boys until I know for sure that either I'm never going to see them again or we get close enough that they find out about this blog and accept its existence - and since boys, as a topic, is pretty much been all I've been thinking about, I've felt like writing about something else would be unrepresentative and, in a small way, untruthful / out and out lies.

Then this afternoon I did something completely un-boy-related that was naughty and struck me as something that should be recorded. I was in that paragon of the posh modern British shopping experience, New Look, and chanced across a lovely green dress. "I'll have that," I thought to myself - but there was only one in my size, and it had a button missing. Not just any button, but a rather large 'feature' button, one of four that was stitched to the neckline. Unsure, I went to try it on, found it to be wondrous, and realised that I must now address the issue of the missing button. I asked the comatose shop assistant whether they had any more dresses in my size. She looked at me as though I'd just grounded her for a month. Speaking as if addressing someone hard of hearing or irrepairably stupid, she drawled, "Wha'ever's out there's all we've got." I explained I wanted to get a replacement button. She repeated her last phrase. I asked if they could order one in. "No," she replied, "cos it's a concession innit," as if that explained everything. Then she directed me to the tills where, she claimed, I would be offered a discount. I went back to the rack where the dresses were, to check again that there were none in my size. There weren't. There was one in another size though. With the button I wanted. So I took it. Not the dress. Just the button. I pulled it, and it was suddenly in my hand. Those four year olds who made it obviously were being thrifty with the thread. Was it stealing? Not really - I paid for the dress fair and square. Was it wrong? Yes. Do I feel bad? Yes. Would I do it again? Yes. Do you hate me? I hope not.

Since I returned to my desk, Sara and I have been email bantering about internet acronyms. These developed a while ago on online forums, where oft-used phrases were shortened to facilitate quick typing. Most people will be familiar with LOL (laugh out loud) but a whole new stream of popular acronyms have sprung up in recent years. Common favourites are LMFAO (laughing my fat ass off), ROFL (rolling on floor laughing) and IYSWIM (if you see what I mean) - but there are also more random ones that are used on individual sites only and are yet to 'catch on'. I was recently on an online London forum when someone typed something really gross - and the next person replied PSIOEWRS. This, I was later informed, stands for 'pokes self in own eye with rusty spoon'. Sara and I decided to make our own. Here are our attempts:

POWUE - passes out with unjustified excitement
PUBAHD - Panics unnecessarily before a hot date
EITA - Enagages in text anxiety
WTCOMABDBUTS - Within the context of making a bad decision but unable to stop
HFHA - Heading for heart ache
OIBPARBS - Obviously I'm being paranoid and ridiculous but still
IKWDTAHTBBWM - I know we've discussed this a hundred times but bear with me
YIRATI -Yes I really am this insecure
IKIGTOTABUINIRBD - I know I've got ten of these already but I need it, recession be damned
IIBTIFTW - Is it bad that I feel this way?
SIBS - Should I be sectioned?
PDSMTAA - Please don't send me to an asylum

Feel free to add your own in the Comments. Right. I'm off to PUBAHD. Fare thee well.