PS

I forgot to mention the second worst bit of all this: thanks to yesterday's drunkenness and today's hangover, I have eaten about six times my own bodyweight in junk food, thus gaining back every single fat gram I may have burnt off on my run and ensuring that any benefit is purely spiritual.

Over the course of the picnic, I consumed a prawn mayonnaise sandwich, many pretzels, two penguins, a mini Babybel and the World's Most Fattening Chocolate Flapjack from M&S, and later on, Joanna and I shared a portion of cheese-topped potato wedges (with sour cream - why not?!) at the pub. Then when I got home I toasted four slices of malt loaf, buttered them and inhaled them. And this morning, I woke up, gingerly put my two injured feet down on the floor beside my bed, and instead of carpet beneath them, was greeted by the crackling sensation of two empty packets of Pombear crisps and the remaining four squares of a large bar of Green & Black's milk chocolate, which brought back hazy memories of a midnight binge. Oh the shame. Today I started off with good intentions and ate some fresh berries and a handful of nuts for breakfast. But by mid-morning I felt horrific with alcohol withdrawal and had to have an emergency bag of ready salted Walker's. For lunch I had a toasted ham and cheese sandwich and a bag of Doritos - and I'm still ravenous. If someone started eating a pizza near me now, I think I would cry with jealousy.