What annoyed me today was the eight year old on the bus who was determined to impress his father by swinging on the handles that dangled from the ceiling. Sadly the miniature attention-seeker could barely reach the loops and simultaneously touch the floor with his feet, which meant that every time the bus jolted, he lost all control and swung helplessly into the indescribably patient woman sitting nearby. His father was as effective as the rhythm method, repeatedly calling his son to heel in a lacklustre fashion that merely served to underline his pathetic failure as a role model and create crystal-clear images of his future, sitting alone in a moth-eaten old people's home while his selfish, boundary-less offspring tries to wow the ladies by hanging from handrails on the tube.
What satisfied me today was our office Christmas lunch at the Coq D'Argent. It began as a civilised gathering and ended riotously with discussions of sex on stairlifts and a rowdy game of the enduringly popular 'Shag, Marry or Cliff'. Unexpected and thorougly enjoyable.
What thrilled me today was that, at approximately 2pm this afternoon, I exchanged on my flat purchase, 46 days after I saw it on the first and only afternoon that I went house-hunting. I complete on the 27th December and, once I have removed every morsel of decoration that currently exists therein and replaced it with something different, tasteful and massively reduced in price, I will move in. Poverty beckons. And Kim: you may now get excited.
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