Political impasse

I care about politics, I really do. I watch the news, I read the papers, check in online, keep up to date with the issues and sincerely and passionately believe in certain causes. But after another uninspiring party conference speech from a man trying to persuade us to let him dominate our lives, affect our bank balances, our health service, the education of our children and those who surround us – well, it’s enough to make me return to the old days, when things were simpler and I amused myself by timing myself to complete the Heat crossword and worried about whether my jeans were low-rise or merely hipster.

Admittedly, I have been reading a live feed of David Cameron’s conference speech this afternoon on the Guardian website, which probably wasn’t the most objective of arenas, but a) if people can’t sift through a bit of left- or right-wing bias in a newspaper, they need to wake up and smell the propaganda, and b) who needs objectivity in the current political climate? Let’s face it: there’s a fundamental dichotomy between what will win an election and what needs to happen in this country (and much of the Western world). Any policies that could improve anything will be massively unpopular. To impact upon anything, we need to plough money into several areas. Drench schools with cash, get the crème de la crème as teachers. But to raise more wonga, the government would have to a) deprive other areas that are currently receiving government funding or b) raise taxes. And no-one serious about winning an election can do either.

It’s a Catch 22 and both major parties have hit on the same non-solution – spend a similar amount of money as before in slightly different ways. It’s half-arsed, half-baked and it won’t work. Now it looks like we’re going to have to watch this bunch of yes-men spend millions of pounds of our tax cash fighting an election by telling us things will change – when they can’t. Pah. I’m already knee-deep in election languor and the date hasn’t even been set. And if they can’t keep my interest – someone who claims they genuinely care about politics – what hope have they in persuading the 40% of non-voters in Britain to walk to the polling station? Call this a democracy? What a joke. I’m going to conserve my energy for celeb spotting and important events that might actually affect me, like the launch of the delicious new DKNY perfume that Laura has informed me is called “Something mist or mist something.” I recommend you give it a sniff.