There was a narrow escape this morning when I was emailing an Outlook distribution list of around twenty senior people, one of which is my boss's ultimate boss, and nearly signed off the message with the unorthodox 'Kind retards'. I told Laura, who said she read in the paper recently that someone had sent an email to their CEO, and instead of Dear Angus, wrote Dear Anus. That really must happen quite a lot though, I reckon. Must be a nominal hazard when you're called Angus. Yet another reason not to rely on the computer's spell check facility.
On a different matter, it is widely known that, should you be both a) waiting for a bus and b) a smoker, lighting a cigarette will ensure that a bus will come around the corner in a matter of seconds. In a dramatic development, I have, this very morning, finished my semi-official survey (sample size: one) and concluded that it is similarly guaranteed that, moments after putting on hand cream, you will suddenly need to relieve yourself and thus, shortly afterwards, will consequently have to suffer the irritation of washing off said freshly-applied cream. The time lapse between the application of the lotion and the urgency of the toilet visit is in direct proportion to the expense and perceived luxuriousness of the handcream.
I'm not claiming that my survey should be backed by public funding, or that it will save lives, but there is little doubt that these findings could prove vital should one ever need to produce urine urgently, e.g. if samples are required at gunpoint by a perverted gunman. I admit, asking the weapon-brandishing man (it would definitely be a man) to hold on while one slathers one's hands in top-price moisturising lotion would obviously be a little unusual, but if it gets the results, who cares?
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