Well, that was an experience. It's a quiet Tuesday in the office and, having eaten at my desk, I had an hour's lunchbreak to kill. Usually I'd go to the gym or the pub, but I have a pilates class after work so the former wasn't necessary, and the latter didn't appeal as it would have involved going on my own, and my alcoholism isn't quite at those levels yet. My next thought was that I should go look around some shops - it's payday, after all - but I don't need any clothes. In fact, I am the opposite of a person who needs clothes. I should be shedding them, snake-like, as I walk along - not consuming more, so I stayed away.
What I really wanted to do, I reasoned, was fall asleep in a comfortable armchair for an hour. I considered Starbucks, but wasn't keen as a) it's Starbucks, b) I don't like coffee and other hot drinks didn't appeal following the daily mouth-burning event with my EAT soup, and c) I was once cold in a Starbucks and have since tarred them all with the hyper-active air-conditioning brush. And all the while, the obvious solution was becoming clearer and clearer, despite the attempts of my rational mind to push it away. "There's somewhere you know," my dark side was whispering. "It's nearby and toasty warm... It's free... You won't have to spend £4 on an unwanted beverage... And you can nod off to your heart's content... No one will laugh at you if you dribble. No one will mind if your head lolls forward. A private sleeping chamber, just for you..." Finally, there was no use fighting. I am logical, if nothing else, and this was the Best Option. And so here, in the centre of one of the greatest cities on earth, with money to burn and time on my side, I spent today's break... in the loo.
And it was warm, and free, and I kipped for 43 minutes. I'd set my alarm to wake me up, but in the end, even though I had been entirely undisturbed by the noise of people coming and going, it was the sound of what must have been a shire horse weeing in the next door cubicle that was my final wake-up call. I stretched my legs, endured a minute or two of powerful but energising pins and needles, straightened my clothes and walked the 20 yards back to my desk, feeling refreshed, reinvigorated, and like I'd saved approx. £65, which is probably what I would have spent, had I hit the shops. Ah me. If only all of life's quandaries had such efficient and cost-effective solutions.
Next time on LLFF: in lieu of a summer holiday, Jane spends a week living in a skip near Croydon.
Have had a few naps in our server room. Lovely and cool during the summer. But need a thick blanket in the winter.
ReplyDeleteI envy you and your stretching out opportunities. No such luck for me.
ReplyDeleteI have had a couple of people email me directly asking for details about my sleeping position. I sat on the loo-seat, feet under knees, and bent forward, making a pillow with my arms. It's quite foetal, really. The only thing one has to watch is that one doesn't lean any part of one's face too heavily on one's hand, as it causes large red blotches to appear on one's visage, which can create awkwardness upon one's return to the office, suggesting (as it does) an incident such as a lunch-time punch-up. Don't ever tell me you don't learn anything from LLFF.