Antisocial networking

I'm not sleeping, I've even lost my appetite... I can't be sure, but there's a fair chance I'm headed for one heck of an anti-climax - although to be honest, I don't have any firm mental pictures. I think I'm most excited about six consecutive days off work - if all I do is walk around and get a bit of a tan I'll be delighted. Throw in some good music and around thirty pints of overpriced beer and I fail to see how it can be anything other than the most fun thing in the history of my life since Glastonbury 2009.

In the brief peekaseconds (made up) that I haven't been thinking about the forthcoming festivalivities, I've been building up to a bit of a rant about Facebook. Or rather, people who don't use it. This rant is not directed to people who do not have a community on FB. If you are sixty years old and only three people you know have accounts, then fine. Or if you're still a toddler, then I think you've also got an excuse. But if you're between 20 and 40 years old and you live in the UK, I think it's safe to assume that well over 50% of your friends will have a Facebook account. I would estimate that, of the people I know, about 95% of them have signed up. Not all of them update very frequently, but every time I log on, there are reams of news and photographic updates from my family, friends and acquaintances from all over the world. There are also alerts from things I like, such as, well, Glastonbury, or the National Theatre, telling me new stuff is on sale. And my friends post links to things they think are funny or interesting, so I learn about all the different cool stuff that's happening around the world. It usually takes me about 5-10 minutes to go through what I've missed since I last logged on; it's not a huge time commitment. Obviously I could explore in more depth, but I'd say 5-10 minutes a day keeps me abreast of most of what's going down.

Of course, that's not ALL that's going down. I know that FB isn't real life and it certainly isn't a substitute for friendship, any more than people can read my blog and think they're fully up to date with what's going on in my life. But it's a good window into the nice things to which people get up. And so, what I want to know is, who in their right mind decides not to have a Facebook account? Facebook requires nothing. You don't have to pay. You don't have to update your status. You don't have to upload a photo: you can be pretty much entirely anonymous. You can hide all updates from people who annoy you, or block them altogether. And of course, should you wish to share your own news, you can do so easily - with whomever you choose. You don't have to show everyone everything. You can hide information from selected friends - so everyone can see your birthday photos except the one person you forgot to invite. All in all, it is a lovely, easy way to keep up with your friends and spy on your enemies. Sure, there are concerns about sharing of private data, but like I say, you can opt out of pretty much all of that. So why not sign up?

I know only about six people around my age who have resisted FB and, using that incredibly limited sample size, I have come to the conclusion that FB refuseniks are one of two things. Either they are a) unforgiveably arrogant and don't care what their friends are up to. Or b) they are unhealthily isolated. Either way, I think that if you peel back the layers, you'll find that they need help. Yup. Help. Like a shrink. Rich coming from me, but there you have it. I am deeply suspicious of people who don't FB.

Anyway. Rant over. This time in twenty four hours, I have high hopes that my tent will be pitched and I'll be watching England vs. Slovenia on a temporary screen at the Pyramid stage, while wearing my bikini and going brown as a berry. Cross your fingers for me. I'll be back on Monday afternoon.