The instructions for making the basic shape are nine pages long. The ones above are finished off with edible marker pen and a green Tic-tac. You are also invited to coo over the Christmas ones, below - Frosty's hat is crafted from a lovingly-altered miniature Oreo cookie and his nose is a candy-dipped sunflower seed.
And that's when I lost it.
While I have no doubt that I would enjoy eating one of these little blighters, I genuinely, hand on heart, believe that the person who created these, and the people who thought we should, out of EVERYTHING GOING ON IN LONDON, a city of NINE MILLION SOULS, be pressed upon to recreate these, well, I think it is time for their friends and family to stage an intervention ending in some sort of permanent incarceration and hourly mocking.
In the list of things people should be doing with their oh-so-brief time on this fascinating planet, dipping sunflower seeds in molten orange candy in order to use them as a faux-tiny-carrot for the nose of a reconstituted cake ball snowman is about ninety eight billionth, several hundred thousand below causing deliberate harm to a third person, staring into space for days on end and eating more pizza even though you're fat and already full. At least kicking a dog would end up with one feeling some remorse, or, in the case of catbin lady, cause a media furore that might teach someone a valuable lesson.
Spending hours on end making miniature cakes with inventive tiny accessories is guaranteed to end only in pathological smugness, the only cure for which is death, and guaranteed years in therapy for any offspring of these carefree people, and so I sincerely implore anyone who's already begun stockpiling ingredients for these tiny existence-thieves to please, take those plastic sticks you bought to support your creations, and ram them slowly into your eyes as a permanent lesson that you must never, ever waste your precious life in such an imbecilic and desultory way ever again.
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