How do I have such certainty? A couple of hours ago, I was in the gym. So far, so thirtysomething. I was on the running machine, trying to time my paces to the music that was playing over the stereo, when the CD got stuck. If I hadn't already been hyperventilating like a birthing mum-to-be, I would have sighed. The music in the gym is always fairly appalling, but running to a skipping house track is even less inspiring. Then, over the irritating noise of the stuck CD, new layers of sound emerged - a gentle drum beat at first, followed soon after by something masquerading as a melody. And I realised that the unthinkable had happened: the CD had never been stuck. After over two decades of being a self-proclaimed music obsessive, I had mistaken a 'modern' tune for the sound of a skipping CD and it was at that precise moment that I became uncool. The switch has flicked and I have to accept that things will never be the same again. My jeans will always be bootcut when they should be skinny and then skinny when they should be flared. I will start thinking
Victoria Wood is a comic genius, consider microwave rice an extravagance, feel crazy if I'm out past 9pm on a weeknight and video Antiques Roadshow. It's a slippery slope: clearly I'm weeks away from booking a Saga holiday. Somebody stop me.
You're not old until you start thinking that a hostess trolley sounds like a good idea. Or were they just typical to the suburban 1990s, and not even old people have them any more? There are on my list of "Things my house will never contain" just under net curtains.
ReplyDeleteYour post genuinely made me laugh out loud and also hit the empathy button very hard. Being the father of a 16 year-old girl and an 11 year-old boy, I have lived in dread of what I may be forced to endure. But I have been extremely lucky. So far...
ReplyDelete(should that have been in dread "with"? :-)